I actually didn’t know who she was and I did not know what she looked like.Į: Well, she knew what you looked like, though. I didn’t Google her, I didn’t look her up. Then the day of, she came to the event, but then went into the very end of the signing line. RG: So we knew by that point that it was an actual date. Unbeknownst to her ––Į: No, it’s amazing how determined she is… Maybe we could have a drink afterwards?” And so I wrote back again and I said, “Sure.” And then she was looking at my online calendar and she wrote again and said, “I see that you’re going to be in New York on such and such date, October 9th. And I just wrote back, “Sure.” I didn’t really follow up. “But I know she has a person, do you know what’s up with that?” And my friend was like, “Yeah, she does have someone in her life, but go ahead and shoot your shot.” So she sent me another email and in that email she said that she knows that I have things going on, but she would love to take me out on a proper date. And Debbie just said, "Oh my God, I actually have a crush on Roxane” –– And so a couple years ago, she was doing this event with a mutual friend and afterward they were having drinks in her backyard, everyone from the event, and my friend mentioned that I’m her mentor.
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She had picked some amazing people to interview. But she told me that when we started dating I listened and she was right. So she started to bring people onto her podcast that she thought I might be interested in intellectually, but I don’t listen to podcasts, so I didn’t know. But I was still like… well, I was in a relationship at the time, but I was also allowed to see other people. It was really beautiful and really meaningful, and I don’t take it for granted. So then when Hunger came out, she sent me this beautiful email and in the email, she was telling me how much she appreciates my work and what she really vibed with in terms of Hunger. I told her that I was really just interviewed-out, and so I was just going to take a break from interviewing. And so several months later she wrote back again and told me that my publicist did not get in touch. So she did, but my publicist never really responded to her. Before we first started dating, she tried to get me on her podcast, Design Matters, and I told her to get in touch with one of my publicists. Can you tell me anything about that? How did she even… that’s very strategic planning. I can speak for Debbie in saying that it means a lot to both of us.Į: Is it true that she triangulated getting you on her podcast in order to get a date with you?Į: Oh, wow. Yeah, it’s great to be embraced by our community, that means a lot.
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And I think that I can speak for the majority of the lesbian community when I say that seeing the love story that’s developed between the two of you since you first publicly confirmed your relationship at A-Camp last June, has brought a lot of joy to all of us. Debbie follows me on Instagram, which I have to say is a huge thrill for me and always will be, but the two of you are amazing. Emma Reese spoke with Roxane over the summer about her recent elopement with her wife, the educator, designer, podcaster, artist, and writer, Debbie Millman, reconciling Ellen Degeneres’s fall from grace, the importance of marginalized voices, and the political power of creating as a person of color.Į: Firstly, I would like to congratulate you and your now wife, Debbie Millman, on your recent elopement. The writer outlined the ways that she, and by extension all women, can (and should) contradict themselves as they form their personhood and embrace their badness in her 2014 bestselling collection of essays, Bad Feminist. Roxane Gay on Marriage, Ellen, and the Importance of Marginalized VoicesĪmerican writer, editor, professor, cultural critic, and social commentator Roxane Gay believes that women are at their best when they are bad, difficult, and heard.